A New Honor
by seeleybaby
Summary: Set after Hero in the Hold. Non-canon. Brennan is called back to re-receive her award, and Booth finds it hard to attend. Brennan comforts him. Slightly OOC


"Hey sweetie…" Angela grinned as she entered Brennan's office. "You look fantastic. Booth is going to eat his heart out."

"What?" Brennan paused, her hands trying to pin the last curls up on the top of her head. "That makes no sense." She held a couple of bobby pins between her lips. "And no, he won't."

"Uh huh" Angela smirked. "You know what it means….come on, now…tonight's the night to admit it."

"Admit _what_?" Brennan sighed, then pulled out her dark gray eyeshadow. "I believe your vow of celibacy…which by the way, I do not approve of."

"You don't?" Angela raised an eyebrow and finished pinning Brennan's hair up. "Why's that?"

Brennan shrugged a shoulder and leaned toward the mirror, mouth slightly open as she applied mascara to her lashes. "It's self-imposed, but based on the recommendation of Sweets, who frankly…" she pulled back and looked at Angela.

"True" Angela conceded. "But, let's get off my non existent sex life, and move onto yours, shall we?"

"My sex life isn't non existent."

"Oh yeah?" Angela nudged, "Who's the lucky guy?"

Brennan paused for a moment. "Well, actually, admittedly, I'm in a bit of a…" what was the right word here…

"Dry spell?" Angela drolled.

"More along the lines of a consideration period. I'm just being more…"

"Discriminating?"

Brennan frowned and turned back to the mirror to put in some earrings, "You make me sound like a slut."

Angela just chuckled and looked at Brennan's reflection in the mirror. "How about this, then? Your body has caught up to the reality I've been preaching for years now. It wants Booth. And only Booth. And like always, you've been listening to your body." She smiled. "It's just finally telling you the truth, that's all."

Brennan put her hands down on the ledge in front of the mirror and took a deep breath.

"Sweetie?" Angela pulled back. "I was just teasing…I…is everything okay?"

"Hey, Bones. You ready?"

Both women looked up, and in the reflection of the mirror stood Seeley Booth.

They both pulled in deep breaths. "Yes, I'm ready" Brennan smoothed her hands down her dress and turned. Angela turned as well and stepped to the side, watching as Brennan walked toward the tuxedoed Agent.

Shaking her head, she sighed. "It's just not fair how hot they are" she muttered to herself.

--b&b--

"Everything okay, Bones?' Booth asked for the third time as they made their way through the dark city streets. He spared a glance toward her, and the streetlights intermittently caused the tips of her hair to shine like gold.

"Yes, Booth" Brennan answered quietly without a fight. "I already said that."

Booth frowned as they pulled into the parking lot. "It's your big night, Bones" he tried a smile. "That's gotta feel good, right?"

Brennan turned toward him, and her breath caught at the sight of his dark eyes. "What was it you called it? Super scientist?"

Booth swallowed at her first mention of that other night…

"Yeah, Bones." His lips pursed against his teeth and he blinked a couple of times, "Yeah."

Brennan sighed, "Let's just get this over with."

And as they walked toward the entrance, both couldn't help but remember. And so Booth's hand tightened against the small of her back just a bit more as he entered the building. And so Brennan paused just a moment longer before stepping aside.

Booth caught the worry lines on all of the faces of the team as they sat down at the table of honor. So okay, yeah, maybe rescheduling this dinner wasn't such a good idea. But he'd felt badly about how she hadn't been able to get her award, so he'd requested that the event be held again. But as the lights dimmed, and the tribute video began, Booth began to feel his lungs tighten. All of a sudden, everything seemed very, very close. And why did bow ties have to be so tight, right?

"Bones…" he whispered, hoping she heard him. But the room had erupted in applause, and she was standing and making her way toward the podium for her speech.

--b&b--

Brennan's mouth felt like sawdust, and it had been a long time since she'd felt that way. The first time had been when she was sixteen, and she'd had to give a speech on her summer vacation in high school English class. And so she'd lied and told about a trip to Europe with her favorite cousins, all the while feeling like her mouth was going to dry up with lies.

And she'd felt that way again, in the courtroom, when Booth had been on the stand against her father. But thankfully she hadn't had to say anything at that point.

But now…now she was expected to give a speech. More lies. More reasons she was a fraud. Sure, she was still the top forensic anthropologist, and sure her books were still on the best seller list, but to what end? That her friends were in danger? That her…

Brennan sighed as she looked through the crowd, her eyes falling on her partner. Her partner.

Booth.

He could have died that night.

He was looking at her now with raised eyebrows, and he motioned slightly to her left. Brennan blinked and looked that way to see a confused Jeffersonian Director staring back at her, a glass and gold trophy between them.

"Oh. Thank you" She accepted the award as gracefully as possible. "Thank you very much"

And as she turned to look back among the crowd, Booth was absent from his seat.

Booth stood outside on the balcony, sucking in huge gulps of air. With frantic fingers, he loosened the bow tie from around his neck, tucking it into his pocket as he opened a button around his throat. He could do this. He'd managed to hide this from everyone else, and he could just turn around, pretend he'd had a phone call from Parker, and just…go in there and breathe.

"I know how you feel."

Booth whirled around. "Hodgins, I uh…it's nothing. I uh, had a phone call from Parker."

Hodgins nodded. "First of all, your phone is sitting on the table" he shifted his weight, "and secondly, I know how you feel" he repeated.

Booth raised his eyebrows. "Right, right." He worked his lower lip with his teeth. "It, uh, goes away, right?"

Hodgins nodded. "Yes, and then there will be other…emotions. But, again, I'll say. I know how you feel."

Booth paused. "Thanks, man."

As he moved past the scientist to walk back inside, he felt a hand on his arm.

"Yeah?"

Hodgins looked him in the eye and tilted his head a bit. "There's someone else who knows, too."

Nothing more was needed to be said about that.

--b&b--

Brennan kept herself from shielding her eyes against the bright lights as she smiled and completed her speech. Just as she was walking off of the stage, she saw Booth return to his seat, followed by Hodgins. A small stab of hurt sliced from her belly to her throat at the idea of Booth not wanting to hear her speech.

So as she returned to her seat, and placed the award on the table, she smiled slightly, but kept her eyes averted.

"Congratulations, Dr. Brennan." Cam smiled. "Well deserved."

Brennan forced a smile and looked up. "Thank you for saying that."

Beside her Booth cleared his throat, "Hey, um…Bones?" he whispered, and everyone else at the table pretended not to hear him.

"Yes?" she asked coolly as she brought her water glass to her lips.

"Can we…get out of here?"

Surprised, she met his eyes then, and saw something that surprised her even more. Actual fear emotion in Booth's eyes.

"That is highly inappropriate" she whispered back, "As guest of honor, I can't exactly accept an award, and then leave."

"Um…Dr. Brennan" Cam interrupted. "I just remembered a file I placed on your desk after you'd gone for the evening." She spared a glance toward Booth, "It's actually rather urgent."

"You should probably go" Angela gave an encouraging half smile.

Hodgins nodded. "If you need us, call us."

Brennan chewed at the lipstick on her upper lip and looked back at Booth. He was still looking back at her, and again, with that look in his eyes, although now…it had shifted. Shifted to something she'd never seen, but recognized internally. With a small gasp, she looked to Hodgins, and he gave a slight nod.

"Um, yes." She stood and smoothed her hands along her dark gray dress. "As a matter of fact, I believe I should check out that file."

Booth stood as well, and they quickly moved from the room.

Why they continued to drive to the Jeffersonian, and make the effort to walk up to her office, neither was sure. But they soon found themselves there, with obviously no urgent file on the desk. But plenty to talk about.

Booth didn't sit, and neither did Brennan. Instead, she walked over to a filing cabinet, then pulled out a file from the bottom drawer. Opening up the file, she sorted through various papers and tabs until she found a tiny envelope. Once she'd retrieved that, she replaced the file and all of its contents into the drawer, then closed it.

Silently, she walked to stand in front of Booth. "We need to talk."

--b&b--

Booth nodded and then nodded again, "Okay. Here?"

Brennan looked around and shook her head. "No. I don't think so." Methodically, she walked over to her desk, then pulled out a piece of blank paper. Before handing it to Booth, she scribbled an address on one side. "Follow me?"

Since her car was here, he shrugged a shoulder. "Yes" he replied as he looked down at the address on the paper. It was unfamiliar to him, but he just followed her out the door and to the parking lot.

And then he followed her through the city, and when they arrived at their destination, he let out a low whistle. Well, this was new.

Brennan's heels clacked against the marble flooring of the grand hotel entrance. Making her way smoothly toward the front desk, she accepted the room keys. Booth had followed her, she'd seen his SUV behind hers, and she'd heard the sound of the door locking as she made her way through the parking garage. She didn't look his way, but she wasn't surprised when Booth joined her in the elevator to go up to their floor. And she didn't speak until they'd exited the elevator and made their way down the hallway to a room.

She paused for just a moment, before sliding the key into the slot, and Booth thought she might say something then.

But instead, she just opened the door, and walked inside.

And he followed her.

The night was quite chilly, but Brennan still crossed the large room and opened up the doors to the balcony. A gust of wind entered and she shivered.

Booth wondered how she knew he needed the doors opened, but when she turned and faced him, he could see.

_Because she knows_

She wouldn't be surprised by the fact that every window in his apartment was open whenever he was there. Except the one he'd had to fix. That window stayed shut. Always.

"I bet your heating bill is nearly astronomical" she was saying as she slowly walked to sit on the couch.

"Yeah" Booth nodded, fiddling with the bowtie still in his pocket, "it is. I'll just use part of the settlement against it."

Brennan's eyes flashed to his for a moment, before she looked down, lifting up one foot, and then the other, removing her heels. "So you're accepting it?"

Booth sat beside her then. "Well, I don't really have a choice. The FBI pretty much insisted on it. And since they're the ones who filed it on my behalf…"

"That's…true."

Her hesitation gave him pause, and his eyes narrowed. "Bones…"

She didn't pretend to not understand, but just shrugged a shoulder. "I will not deny that I broached the subject with Director Cullen. However, it was already in place. Having a special agent kidnapped by a killer masquerading as an ally was not good for the image, Cullen said. And so, they wanted to make everything as quiet as possible."

Booth took a deep breath. "I wouldn't have made a big deal about it."

"But it is a big deal" she looked at him, and they knew she wasn't just talking about the money anymore. "It's a big deal, and it's something we should talk about."

But instead of talking, she stood up and wrapped her arms around her waist, moving out onto the balcony. Booth rested his arm against the back of the couch and looked at her for a moment. He couldn't see her face, but he imagined that her eyes were closed. The view of the city was spectacular, but he guessed she was trying to use her other senses.

Brennan listened to the sound of whispering cherry blossoms and rested her hands along the balcony. With her eyes closed, she could hear acutely, and her senses told her that Booth had come to stand behind her. She could just imagine his dark frame leaning against the doorway, one hand in his pocket.

"Why the hotel room, Bones? Couldn't we have talked in your office? Or at my place or something?"

Brennan didn't turn around, but opened her eyes to the city lights. "I wanted someplace neutral. I didn't want anyone to be threatened in a different territory."

Booth pulled in a breath and nodded to himself. "Hodgins says that the tight feeling goes away. Is that true?"

Brennan's hands clenched on the railing and her head ducked down a bit. "Yes, that's correct. I don't know that it goes away forever. Every once in awhile, there will be moments. Like in the car…or…"

"The shower" Booth added, and she nodded.

"Yes. But he's right. It will go away."

--b&b--

"That's what happened to you tonight, Booth, isn't it." Brennan turned then, "During my speech."

He nodded. "Yes. All of a sudden it was dark, and this night was so like that night was supposed to be, and I just….I…I couldn't _breathe_."

Her eyes met his and they both understood. They both _knew._

"Hodgins says there are other emotions that will come."

Brennan nodded and walked past him back into the hotel suite. "Yes, anger, guilt, grief…happiness." She turned her head toward Booth, "And gratitude."

"Yeah" Booth blew out a breath. "I'm not really there, yet."

"I know" she nodded.

Booth turned to face her. "Why didn't you want this award, Bones?"

She chuckled humorlessly and took another step backward. "Because it just seemed so inconsequential." Her voice rose and took on an almost frantic quality. "Because in the past year my best student has turned against us, you've been shot, and kidnapped!" she swallowed roughly, "Because the whole idea of being awarded seems so ludicrous."

"Oh, Bones" Booth whispered. "I…I'm sorry you feel that way."

Her jaw tightened, and Booth watched as she overcame some internal battle. "What is it, Bones?"

She blinked a few times, then looked at him, meeting his eyes. And for a few moments, she didn't say anything. After another second or two, she walked over and placed her hand on his cheek. "Booth…when was the last time you had sexual intercourse?"

His eyes widened, and his breath caught and he wrenched her hand away from his face. "Bones. What the HELL!" He shoved past her into the hotel room. "What? What kind of question is that?"

Her face showed no sign of pretense nor flirting. "A simple one, Booth. I'm merely asking you a question." She followed him inside and closed the doors. He was so distracted he didn't notice.

"Is that what this is about?" He growled and slashed his hand around the room.

"No" Brennan shook her head, "It's not what this is about."

"Then what is it, Bones? Because I'm kinda confused right now." He shook his head and palmed the back of his neck.

"Booth" Brennan moved to stand close to him, her hands coming to rest on his forearms. "I'm tired of lying."

--b&b--

"Bones" he rasped, "This is crazy"

"Sex?" she asked, running her hands to his stomach, then frowning when he stepped out of her reach.

"Bones. Stop it. Don't say that."

"Don't say what? Sex?"

"Bones!"

She huffed. "What's the big deal? Once and for all, I'd love to know why you can't discuss this with me!"

Booth's emotions were on a hair trigger, and his gaze turned lethal, invading her space. "You want to know why I don't want to discuss it with you?" he ripped off his tux jacket and tossed it to the floor. "This is why, Bones" And in an instant, he'd wrapped one arm around her waist, and the other behind the back of her knees. Her balance shifted, and she felt back onto the bed, his hard weight coming down on top of her.

They stared at one another for a few moments, both breathing heavily.

"Because once I start thinking about it, talking about it…anything about it, Bones…I won't be able to stop."

She let one hand lilt upward to cup his head behind his ear, her fingertips slightly weaving through his hair.

"This is crazy, Bones. And it's not right" he insisted.

She noticed he wasn't moving away though, and she let her other hand caress his face. "Didn't you think about me, even once? When you were trapped?"

Booth's neck twisted away and he closed his eyes, in an instant transported back to his captivity. "Yeah" he breathed, "I thought of you."

Brennan's hands slid down his shoulders in comfort. "I was thinking of you." She admitted. "And I was thinking of this…" Her lips came up to brush against his jawline. "Of never doing this."

"Bones…" he gulped. "This isn't smart."

"Why not, Booth? I want you. You want me. We're here, together. I didn't plan this, but…it's happening."

Booth rested his weight on his elbows. "I don't know, Bones…"

His brow furrowed in confusion when she rolled out from underneath him, but he stood, then helped her from the bed. He watched as she walked over toward her small handbag, pulling out the envelope from before.

"What is that, Bones?" Booth sat on the bed and rested his elbows on his thighs.

But Brennan didn't answer right away, and instead, she just turned the envelope over and over in her fingers. "Before I give you this, I want to say something to you."

"Okay" Booth swallowed and watched as she came to stand right in front of him. His eyes trailed to the envelope, then to her face, when she took a deep breath.

"Booth, there comes a point in any human interaction where two people have to make decisions on whether or not to continue things as is. And for some…_partnerships_…" she paused, "there can be several of those points."

Booth felt a new tightening in his chest that had nothing to do with the Gravedigger.

"And, Booth, I…I feel" she took a chance, "I _feel_ that we are at a point where a decision must be made. And I will only say this once, and I will take your answer as final."

Booth met her eyes as he waited for her statement.

But in the end, she didn't say anything, just reached behind with one arm and unzipped her dress, the sheath falling softly to the floor.

"Bones…" Booth rasped and breathed heavily, his eyes going frantic as she stepped from the gray silk pool at her feet.

"Booth, I want you. I want to be with you. When I thought you were dead, I was filled with regret. Not just for sex, but for…the other things you've mentioned." Her voice cracked a bit then, and he looked up, his tongue pressing into the side of his cheek.

"Bones…you don't know what you're doing, here" he breathed. "This is…I mean…I'm just a man, and you're…" he swallowed as she reached behind to unclasp matching gray lace. "Gorgeous" he whimpered a bit at the end of the word, his eyes now pinned to her body as she took another step.

By this time, he was leaning back on his elbows, his hips inching back the mattress with every step she made.

"But you aren't dead, Booth" her voice regained its cool quality without trace of seduction, "You are alive" another step, "And I am alive" her hand held up the envelope and she opened it, "I'm tired of lying, Booth."

Booth was doing his own lying on his back, and his eyes widened as she kneeled over his body, her face close to his, bringing the paper up to her eyes.

"These are the final words written by Dr. Temperance Brennan" she began, and Booth clenched his jaw, "To the finder of this letter, please ensure that any bodily remains found are transported to the Jeffersonian Institute. Additionally, please tear off the bottom portion of this message and deliver it to Special Agent Seeley Booth of the FBI." Brennan looked at Booth for a moment, wondering if she could trust him with this last piece of information. She thought she could. She now knew that Booth shared that same feeling, that same rush of anxiety that only comes from experience.

His eyes were searching, but calm, and so she looked back down to her paper.

"Dear Booth" she swallowed, "I don't believe in love, but if I did, I'd want to fall in love with a man like you."

Booth's fingers circled her wrist and he turned the paper to look for himself. "When did you write this?"

Brennan set the note aside, "Two years ago, while trapped underground." Loose wisps of her hair fell and curled between them, but she didn't push them aside, "Like I said, I'll only bring this up once. I admit I was scared that day. Scared I would die. And when you pulled me from the sand, I was very thankful for my life. But it's nothing compared to how thankful I was to pull you into that helicopter. And I promised myself I would tell you how I feel. That I would at least say, just once, that I care about you."

"You care about me?" his eyes were soft, and Brennan felt sad that he was unsure.

"Yes, Booth. I care about you"

He nodded, his eyelids swooping down as he looked toward the paper lying on the pillow.

"Do you love me, Bones?"

Brennan paused, knowing what she was going to say wasn't the answer he wanted to hear. "I'll answer you, if you let me explain my rationale."

Booth's jaw twitched like it did any time she used the word _rationale_, or _anthropologically_, or _biological_, but he raised his eyebrows. "I'm listening."

"Okay" she swallowed and resettled her weight on her elbows. "I don't believe in being in love. I never will, it's a foolish weakness in humans only to see phenomena they wish to see. But…" she tucked some wayward hair behind her ear, "I have been making observations. And I can concede that love is possible. I believe…I believe that my parents loved each other." She blinked a few times, and Booth wondered if she was done speaking.

"Is that your explanation?" he asked softly.

She shook her head. "No, no. I was just considering." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, "And my thought pattern caused me to consider something new. Do you mind if I…um…'bird it', as you would say?"

"Wing it" his lips curled up, "Wing it, Bones. And go for it."

"Right. Well…my parents did love each other. And I think my father is sad she's not alive, you know?"

"Sure, Bones." Booth kept his hands to his sides despite her vulnerability of tone and body.

"I loved my mother. And I do love my father, even if I don't agree with everything he does, or has done. And I see that you love Parker, as his father. Right?"

Booth nodded. "Right. I do love him."

"So…I surmise that love exists. And you will not stop loving him, and I will continue to love my parents, as long as I am alive."

Booth nodded, but didn't comment.

"So again, evidence supports that a person can continue an affectionate, loving relationship for another human for an indeterminate amount of time. And now, back to my original thought process. When you were held captive, I was sad. Sad in the way I can see in my dad's eyes when he talks about my mother."

Booth sucked in a deep breath, his chest inadvertently brushing against hers. "That…that sounds like love, Bones."

"I concur." She frowned, "And so, like I said before, I'll only bother you with this one time------oof"

Booth leveraged onto his elbows and pressed his lips against hers.

"Booth" she pulled back, "I wasn't finished explaining. You said you'd wait till I was done."

"Okay" he fell back against the pillow, "Explain." His hands moved between them and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Well, like I was saying before, human relationships come to crossroads of sorts. And of course, here, I mean crossroads as a metaphor, we're not physically at two roads, Booth."

"Got it, Bones" he smirked as he pulled his shirts off and moved his hands to his belt buckle.

"Anyways, we need to make a decision." Her tone was smoothly practiced. "And I will abide by your decision. I find however, that I am interested in pursuing a non-surrogate relationship with you. With the intention of the future. Because I…Booth, what are you doing?" Her hips rose as his did, his hands pushing his tux pants down his legs, his feet finishing the job.

"I'm listening, Bones. You want to pursue a non-surrogate relationship with me."

"Right" she got back on track, "Because as I was saying, the thought of a future without you…" she paused then, "It makes me very sad." Her frown creased her forehead. "If you don't want to be with me, I'll understand. You've never said anything about that, except that we couldn't, so I'll understand if you want me to leave. And I won't bring it up again, Booth, I swear. But…"

He waited for a moment, "Are you finished explaining?"

"Yes, I believe I am."

"Okay" his hands came up to smooth against the skin of her back, "Bones. When I was trapped in the submarine, I thought of you. And the thought of never seeing you again? Not even the hope of a future with you, just the thought of never being able to see you again, that thought made me sick. And I also told myself that I would tell you how I feel about you. But…" his hands slid to her waist, "I guess you are more brave than me."

"Booth…"

"Ah…no, no, Bones" he pressed a finger to her lips, "Let _me_ explain. Please?"

She nodded.

"You are more brave than me, Bones. Because I was willing to just take what I could get. Dinner here and there, just you being close by. Because I never thought you'd want me in your life. Really in your life."

He leaned up on his elbows again and kissed her, "I'm so glad you are brave, Bones" he whispered.

Her lips followed his as he let his head fall back to the pillow, his arms coming around her body completely. "This is pretty brave" she agreed.

"The bravest" he nodded and turned them to their sides, "Bones…" he began unpinning her hair, "That night? Before…you know?"

She nodded.

"Well, I was going to tell you. Or at least, I told myself I was going to. I was going to watch you accept your award, and then I was going to take you somewhere nice and I was going to tell you that I cared about you." He kissed her again, his fingers smoothing through her curls. "I was going to tell you that I love you."

Brennan's eyes clouded in thought. "I believe that I would have wanted that more than the award, Booth. I would be more honored by…" she met his eyes then, "By having you. And by you having me."

"It's more than an honor, Bones." His eyes searched hers, "I love you. I don't want a life without you in any way."

"I love you too, Booth" she answered. "And if for some reason, something should happen to either one of us, I know I won't be filled with the same regrets I've been feeling. I'll be sad, but…"

"No regrets" his lips brushed her forehead.

"No regrets" she agreed and kissed the smooth line of his jaw.

Slowly, with time on their side, they explored one another, stopping at times to talk, but always coming back to deeper physical intimacy.

"Last chance, Bones" Booth paused as he hovered over her, "After this, we really can't go back."

Brennan wrapped her body around his, and pulled him to her, "I think we passed the last chance a long time ago."

Booth chuckled and kissed her, and agreed. They'd been together for a long time. And they'd be together for even longer.


End file.
